New Me: Week 1 - Again.

I actually lost a few pounds while I was going through a rather queasy phase. Unfortunately, after that, I subconsciously decided that eating would make me feel better. Actually, I decided that eating everything in sight and out of sight would make me feel much, much better. In 2 1/2 weeks, I gained 6 pounds. DAYUM.

About a week ago I realized that I was emotionally eating. In response to this realization, I decided to give myself a little more time to gorge in my self pity. The jig was up Monday, but only after chocolate malts, several plates of cheese enchiladas, lots of margaritas, ice cream, twizzlers, chocolate galore, and fast food. The fast food was the only thing not worthy of my overindulgence.

So, here I go again on my own...only kidding. I signed up for WW yesterday. It is the only thing that has ever worked for me. I am sure if I stuck to sis-in-law's calorie counting and working out that I would lose weight and look great, but I have no patience. I need results and I need them now.

I get 21 points a day. For those of you on WW, you know that's a lot. You also know that I get so many because of my glorious weight vs. height ratio, which happens to be a hefty fraction. Yesterday, I ate 31 points. That's 10 points over my daily allotment. I did it, honestly, because I was starving. And needed two glasses of wine. And a Hershey's miniature. Okay, okay. I see the err of my ways.

Today, I pretty much stuck to the routine. I did go awry somewhere though because I am still 6.5 points over my allowance. BUT, and this is a big but, my activity points are not being swapped for food points. Granted, I would still be over by 4.5 points, even after walking at a very fast pace for 45 minutes, but still. I need every point I can get. Anyone have any suggestions?

I am headed to Houston this weekend to watch the nephews. Luckily Little Sis is helping and providing some adult entertainment (not like that). I am going to have to do some serious wagon pulling and playground running in order to have vino tinto at night. Oh, the joys of negotiating, though I'd rather negotiate contracts and make money than decide which cheese stick will cost me fewer pesky points.

Think of me, friends ans wish we well, please -- it's almost bathing suit season. Oh, and Little Sis is making me take before pics in a bikini. Bitch. I know I will be glad though when I have a semi-reformed bod come early summer. I guess I will stick to my June 2nd deadline. This ain't gonna to be easy.

Below are pics of KP's newest plant stands and plants from our anniversary trip. I am currently working on getting some into funky, local nurseries. I know how you all love pictures.

Spring Break '09

You know, because adults still go on spring break, even when they don't have children. Friday morning I drove to the DFW area. I had the TomTom, so I really have no idea where I actually was in relation to downtown Fort Worth or Dallas proper, but I was in the general vicinity of all things DFW. Lori flew in from Maryland and she Mere and I all stayed at Mere's place. We missed Jennifer; we'll blame that on Lori being up for 77 hours. That number grows, depending on when you ask me.

Here's what we did: ate, drank, laughed, talked, nursed hangovers, shopped, tasted wine, napped, girlied up Lori, jeager bombs (ouch), drove through Texas fast-food chains, and thought of the other girls we wished were there.

My favorite line of the weekend: "You know, I don't really think about it enough to be confused." I will be using that one.

BTW, the pic below was our last SB together, in 2002.

I don't know who you are :)

All, I do not know who you are. Stalk away (via the Web only, please). I just know how many times my page is visited and when I see that number rise, I feel special. Yes, that's the new way to feel good. Thanks.

Milkshake

Mom, is it still okay to get a milkshake on the way home from the dentist when you are an adult?

You didn't answer your phone, probably because you were getting Luke a milkshake, but I imagined you would say yes, so I did. Thank you for making such an odd tradition part of my life.

Ok, fine.

I'll post again. Wait, no one's asked where I've been. But, you sure are visiting my blog. Thanks.

Frankly, I have been in self-induced exile from the world, virtually and tangibly. I started venturing out last weekend, but only after my entire uterus threatened to fall out of my body on Friday night. Too graphic? That sentence does not hold a candle to the pain and fear that reverberated this not-so-tiny body on a perfectly pleasant Friday evening. I'll spare the gory details, but I will tell you that I feel much better.

Saturday KP and I enjoyed a little road trip to celebrate our three years of togetherness. First we went to have massages, then to Coopers Barbecue in Llano, TX, then to a few wineries, and finally to hang out with friends. While I wish I still had a reason to be on the wagon, I don't, so back on the bottle I am!

Every year for our anniversary, we buy a plant. We've been doing this for years, even before we were married, but yes, already living in sin. Our first purchase was a Japanese Maple in 2001. It lived in a pot for years, four to be more precise, and when we moved into our current abode, we planted our little love tree. One of our favorite things about it is its feathery leaves that turn a deep purple in the summer. One of the other things we love about it is that it elicits some interesting remarks...it sort of looks like we are growing a pot plant in the front bed. We aren't, for the record.

As we left the house Saturday morning for our trek out to the Hill Country, KP mentioned that he would like to get a plant that day. He also mentioned that he would like to bring a shovel along, just in case. I am coming all sorts of clean in this post...for the record again, we have only taken a plant out of the ground on property other than our own one time. This plant was a spawn of its momma plant, which is still thriving and has many other spawns growing off of it to this day. I do secretly want to give another of those spawns a home in my yard, but we have not been bitten by the plant robbing bug lately. Back to this past weekend. I thankfully shepherded KP to the car sans shovel. Once outside the city limits, I mentioned that we might find a nursery along the way. My husband seemed content with this idea. Then, just before we reached Spicewood, TX, I started seeing little red signs for "weird plants" and "unique gifts". We somehow contained our excitement until our return trip. Oh boy were we glad we stopped! This year, we have not one, but five anniversary plants. I will probably only record the most hearty appearing as the anniversary plant, but we are so excited to have found such interesting cacti and succulents.

If you would like to visit this super fly nursery, check out Spicewood Spines. If you would also like to stop at the wineries, give us a holler and we'll go too! Pictures to come as soon as I, I mean KP, plants them. He made a very cool planter today that will probably become the home to a few.

I am heading to Dallas this weekend to meet up with college gals. D&S, you will be missed, but we will laugh and drink for you. What was that we used to take shots of? Spiced rum? Um, I'll skip that and opt for a glass of vino or two.

Oh, want to know how my Wednesday was? Very good, thank you. I met my Dad in San Antonio for a little food show action (eating lots of bad food) and that was pretty much it. I thought I wouldn't test my luck too much, but seeing my Dad always makes for a great day.

Can't a girl catch a break?

Tired of my swollen eyes yet? Me too! I woke up to some yummy ones this morning. Thinking it might be stress related.

Oh, seems my life soundtrack is back...it disappeared for a while. Here's this morning's song. This girl's got a voice.

Wednesdays: Part 999

Only Kidding. In the past hour and a half, I wrote a draft, accidentally published it, deleted it, figured out it was floating on the Web, freaked out, wrote another post, researched how to remove it from the Web, consulted Older Sis and a blog savvy friend, cried, called KP, made a bowl of ice cream, and decided to write this damn post.

We lost a pregnancy last week.

I started to write about it earlier, but chickened out, and then the above ensued. When I called KP to say that today was the first day that I felt even the least bit okay until my major blogger dilemma, he had the most interesting response. He said, "this is our life, Amy. This is what we are going through. Your blog is about our life and we have nothing to be ashamed of. Write about it."

Is that what I have been? Ashamed? Embarrassed? Why? I did nothing wrong. And I am not a secretive person. Yes, this is personal, but shit, most of everything on here is. Plus, writing is my therapy. It always has been. So, why not write about it? I don't have this blog to sugar-coat my world.

Our Wednesdays have been less than thrilling for weeks. We did have a few good weeks with our news, but then were notified that things might not be going perfectly. Then, Wednesday after Wednesday, we had ultrasounds, that ended last Wednesday, when there was nothing left to see. Friday, I had a D&C. Then I spent several days on narcotics, waking up on Monday to try to figure out where to go from here.

I am sure you are reading this thinking, damn. That is a lot. I agree. But, as Mom says, we find humor in tragedy, some of which I will share in future posts. I am feeling okay today.

I sure wish that I would have been able to sneak my first kiddo in before I turn 30, but from a kid's perspective, it's much easier to figure out how old your parent is if you add your age to 30 than to 29, really.

So, now you know. I can calm my fears of who read my earlier post by posting to the world. I am not ashamed. I am sad, tired, and trying to heal. But I am not ashamed or embarrassed.

Good night Web. Damn, sneaky, crawling Web.

Wednesdays

So, I started to write a post of what's been going on. It's pretty big stuff. Then, I pressed the lock button on my keyboard. Then, miraculously, I hit publish, even though the button was locked. Higher power? Must be, cause I certainly wasn't ready to publish what I wrote. If you read that post, and only you will know how...please keep it to yourself for now. While I will be able to share my story, tonight doesn't feel like the night.

Note to self: write drafts in word, not blogger.

Anyway, I was writing about how Wednesdays have pretty much sucked for a month. And now, with this blogger faux pas, tonight's a little dreary as well.

On another note, here are all the flowers and the beautiful, handmade candle holders my husband made me for my third anniversary.

Three

I have been wondering what to write about. It's not that life has been boring; in fact it's the opposite. But, life has not been fun. We've been going through some tough times 'round here and I didn't know how to get on this blog and act like everything's peachy. I made some decisions today. First, I am going to share my experiences on this blog. I am not going to do this today because I have something happier to write about today. But, I am going to share or over share, as you might see it, because sharing helps me and might just help someone else. Second, I am going to honor my anniversary today.

KP and I made some serious promises to each other three years ago today. In fact, right about now I was probably getting dressed in my parent's hotel room, having a glass of champagne with our sisters, losing my lip gloss, and telling my Dad that yes, I am actually going to do this.

I am a crier. In fact, I have a couple of little tears in my eyes right now. But, I did not cry walking down that aisle to be joined to my husband. I was not nervous, as I used to get in front of audiences. I looked each one of our guests in the eye, smiled, and made my way toward the best decision of my life. I did not have nerves or jitters simply because I knew there was no mistake to be made that day.

With the wind wildly blowing, random Germans in speedos in the background, and loving eyes looking our way, we agreed to the good times and the bad, forever and ever.

As I alluded to, and will write about soon, we are now being tested. Today, as I slipped my wedding band on, after five days of only wearing pajamas, the significance and weight of our commitment gave me strength and comfort. My husband's love, care, and concern for me are enduring. Plus, he puts up with a lot of crabbiness, put kindly, before he corrects me. Today, I appreciate this commitment and and the man who asked me to marry him. Happy third wedding anniversary, KP.

How are we going to celebrate you ask? A nice dinner at home tonight, massages on Saturday, plus a day trip to the hill country with a couple of stops at wineries. His gift...a bag of powdered doughnuts. Yep, that's the kind of wife I am.

He Quit

Smoking. Today. And he's already not nice.

KP: You are being so disagreeable.
ME: No I am not.
KP: Yes, you are. And you are not nice.
ME: I am always like this. You just don't have the patience to deal with it now.
KP: Whatever.

That's pretty much the extent of our conversation today. He's off doing something in the garage. I have a super-scent sniffer, so I will know if he smokes out there. I do trust he wants to quit, even if only to shut me the hell up.

Anything, I Mean Anything

KP would rather do ANYTHING than take a shower. What has brought me to this conclusion? Last night he watched Mamma Mia with me instead of getting saw dust and bon fire smell off of himself. There's no question in my mind now how much he really loathes to be clean.